Thursday, June 18, 2009
~The spirit inside~
I have always felt like I have a conscious thought - a voice inside my head that tells me whats right from wrong, a voice that questions everything i do and intricately watches the ways of others as well. This voice i would hope was my instinct and what i hopefully have discovered over the years is that when your ''spidey-senses'' wake the only thing you can do is listen - listen to the conscious voice. In essence, this psychism as i like to also call mine - drags up images of future events before they happen. Now not everyone can, share in this sometimes painful gift but it has helped me along the way from removing myself from unsavory situations before things get out of hand.
I can not be condemned for knowing these things and at the same time my reactions may cause much distress to others - but - the space i lend to any situation should not be taken lightly. It is TIME offered to the one that needs to learn the valuable lesson. Now, one may think that i am playing god, judging and sending out the jury on my whim but truth be told - i judge no one - i only wish the desire to learn upon others so they may lead a better life. A friend once told me i don't have thick skin, that she could only accompany people that bore this mark of armor - inside i felt deeply effected by such a bold remark - is this what we have friends for - to burn them. So i tested the waters the only way i knew how - let people play with no intervention from my behalf. This in many situations can have lots of results.
In the past, it showed me people that are willing to learn, people that have taken responsibility on their various issues but unfortunately it also showed me another side. A flippant disrespect to the true meaning behind everything, do spiteful people deserve the wealth of a wholesome friendship? should i bare more time to teach the unskilled that friendship is not about control and selfishness but rather to think of others first.
I pray sick to my stomach that this spirit that lives inside me never dies, that the voice that i have grown to count on hopefully finds a home in you....take a minute to breathe in the sea-blown air...try and remember that family comes first...be open to the challenges of life and when you need help ask...but most of all - support your friends in their endeavors and don't ever take them for granted...if you are not happy, the only person that can change that is you...and change - please do because the scarring you wish to enforce - like on so many others you have hurt, will not brush my cheek...instead these are choices you make that make my conviction clear.
love* learn* live*